I recently had a friend who was struggling with the “season” she was experiencing in her life. This season included loneliness, sadness, anger, and lack of joy. She asked me to pray and as I did, I felt that God put this on my heart to share with her to encourage her. After sharing this, she suggested that I add this to my blog….so, here it is:
My first thought was....the way we THINK, determines the way we FEEL, which determines the way we ACT. So, I know you said that you're feeling down about where you're at in your life, which means that you need to change your thinking. Yeah, I know, easy to say. But just keep that in mind. The reason I bring up our "thoughts" is because this is where the majority of our problems come from. Did you know that this is the ONLY place the devil attacks (our mind)? We have preconceived ideas of how life should be but when we don't align that with what God says (take captive every thought and make it obedient to God), we will be disappointed. If you believe that you should be married with a few children right now and that is not where you are in life, then that is not what is best for you - at least not at this time. Since God gives us free will to make our own choices/decisions, He has to pick up the pieces when we make certain decisions. Ask yourself a few questions about your previous relationship. Did you both always honor God in your relationship? Did you pray together? Did you honor God in your physical relationship? Did you make God the center of your relationship? Was he a true, committed, follower of Jesus? (You know that the guy is expected to be the leader in a relationship) Just some things to think about.
As for becoming angry and blaming God, that is where "trust" comes in. It's OK to be angry at God for a bit and express that to Him. But then He expects us to get into His Word so that we can be strengthened again. Because we have THREE enemies against us in life (ourselves, the devil, and the world), we have a lot against us. Only God is for us. But the good reminder is....God is stronger and more powerful that all three of those other things. We have to allow Him 'in' though. When you're angry and not trusting God and not exercising your faith, God cannot work. God cannot help us because we receive His help through faith, not through hopelessness, anger, etc.
I was thinking back to my lonely "single" days and I was not happy. I dated around and even lived with one of my boyfriends for a year. I kept trying to satisfy that loneliness but only Jesus can satisfy our every need. Finally one day I said to the Lord that I was going to take a break from dating and focus everything on HIM. That was the first time in my life when I wasn't dating someone (or married) – except when I was a child, of course. When I made that decision and started reading God's Word everyday and attending a women's small group study, God brought my husband into my life. It wasn't that long - about 4 months. (I believe that God saw my heart was sincere) Then we were married 7 months after we started dating. (all of those questions above I could confidently answer them according to God's will) My point is.....God always wants to be FIRST before any other thing you think you need/desire. (Matthew 6:33).
In the Bible it reminds us to "consider it all joy when you encounter various trials" (James 1:2). Don't ya just hate that statement? LOL! How can that make sense when joy and trials don't really go together? But believe it or not, there are some surprising benefits in suffering which is why God allows it. God isn't really expecting us to be HAPPY in our pain but rather to rejoice in the blessings that accompany our trials. We can rejoice in the beneficial outcome, even while experiencing pain. (This is where you get JOY and not HAPPINESS, as you mentioned) From our perspective, trials hurt but from God's perspective, they help. The only way to rejoice during trials is to understand what God wants them to accomplish (which we don't often understand but just need to trust). God uses every trial to test our faith and produce spiritual maturity. When we learn to trust God through our trials (responding properly), we get the most benefit. I know from experience that God NEVER wastes any of our pain. That is so encouraging to me and hopefully to you!
This all boils down to trusting what God says in His Word - that He has our BEST interest at heart. If you're not with your boyfriend, it's not what is best for you right now. When you were with him, things weren't good, which was probably God showing you that it wasn't what was best for you. When we honor God in all we do, He blesses us. You do have a choice in how you respond to life's circumstances. You can be better or bitter (as I refer to it). You have a choice! And....guess what.....everything God calls you to do (even when it hurts, even when it stinks, even when you don't like it, even when it's difficult), HE GIVES YOU THE POWER TO DO IT! (Deut. 30:11). What I've learned is....I am without excuse!
Isn't it interesting that we often want what others have? You wish you had a boyfriend or husband. I wish I had your job and your talents and intellect! Ha Ha! Be blessed and content with where you're at and you'll see God work.
Perhaps you can set yourself a 30-day challenge. Spend 30 minutes each day in God's Word for 30 days. This isn't just to read it but to spend time meditating and thinking about what you're reading. I once heard someone say that they really didn't know how to meditate. The response was....if you know how to "worry," you know how to meditate. Meditating is just rolling something around in your mind...over and over and over. I find that during my reading time, I read less of the Bible but get more out of it because I pick apart every verse. Consider that.
Whatever you focus on "gets you!" The more you focus on what you DON'T have and your ANGER and your PROBLEMS, the BIGGER all of this gets. So, try to focus on God and all He's done for you. Write out a list of all of your blessings and read it over and over and continue to add to it. When you have a lonely, angry thought, follow my I,C,R process! I = Identify as a lie, C = Cast out in the name of Jesus, and R = Replace with God's truth. This may sound silly but it works! This is where God talks about refocusing on Him and renewing your mind daily. Our minds are renewed everyday with JUNK unless we get into God's Word. May God continue to bless you in BIG ways!
My first thought was....the way we THINK, determines the way we FEEL, which determines the way we ACT. So, I know you said that you're feeling down about where you're at in your life, which means that you need to change your thinking. Yeah, I know, easy to say. But just keep that in mind. The reason I bring up our "thoughts" is because this is where the majority of our problems come from. Did you know that this is the ONLY place the devil attacks (our mind)? We have preconceived ideas of how life should be but when we don't align that with what God says (take captive every thought and make it obedient to God), we will be disappointed. If you believe that you should be married with a few children right now and that is not where you are in life, then that is not what is best for you - at least not at this time. Since God gives us free will to make our own choices/decisions, He has to pick up the pieces when we make certain decisions. Ask yourself a few questions about your previous relationship. Did you both always honor God in your relationship? Did you pray together? Did you honor God in your physical relationship? Did you make God the center of your relationship? Was he a true, committed, follower of Jesus? (You know that the guy is expected to be the leader in a relationship) Just some things to think about.
As for becoming angry and blaming God, that is where "trust" comes in. It's OK to be angry at God for a bit and express that to Him. But then He expects us to get into His Word so that we can be strengthened again. Because we have THREE enemies against us in life (ourselves, the devil, and the world), we have a lot against us. Only God is for us. But the good reminder is....God is stronger and more powerful that all three of those other things. We have to allow Him 'in' though. When you're angry and not trusting God and not exercising your faith, God cannot work. God cannot help us because we receive His help through faith, not through hopelessness, anger, etc.
I was thinking back to my lonely "single" days and I was not happy. I dated around and even lived with one of my boyfriends for a year. I kept trying to satisfy that loneliness but only Jesus can satisfy our every need. Finally one day I said to the Lord that I was going to take a break from dating and focus everything on HIM. That was the first time in my life when I wasn't dating someone (or married) – except when I was a child, of course. When I made that decision and started reading God's Word everyday and attending a women's small group study, God brought my husband into my life. It wasn't that long - about 4 months. (I believe that God saw my heart was sincere) Then we were married 7 months after we started dating. (all of those questions above I could confidently answer them according to God's will) My point is.....God always wants to be FIRST before any other thing you think you need/desire. (Matthew 6:33).
In the Bible it reminds us to "consider it all joy when you encounter various trials" (James 1:2). Don't ya just hate that statement? LOL! How can that make sense when joy and trials don't really go together? But believe it or not, there are some surprising benefits in suffering which is why God allows it. God isn't really expecting us to be HAPPY in our pain but rather to rejoice in the blessings that accompany our trials. We can rejoice in the beneficial outcome, even while experiencing pain. (This is where you get JOY and not HAPPINESS, as you mentioned) From our perspective, trials hurt but from God's perspective, they help. The only way to rejoice during trials is to understand what God wants them to accomplish (which we don't often understand but just need to trust). God uses every trial to test our faith and produce spiritual maturity. When we learn to trust God through our trials (responding properly), we get the most benefit. I know from experience that God NEVER wastes any of our pain. That is so encouraging to me and hopefully to you!
This all boils down to trusting what God says in His Word - that He has our BEST interest at heart. If you're not with your boyfriend, it's not what is best for you right now. When you were with him, things weren't good, which was probably God showing you that it wasn't what was best for you. When we honor God in all we do, He blesses us. You do have a choice in how you respond to life's circumstances. You can be better or bitter (as I refer to it). You have a choice! And....guess what.....everything God calls you to do (even when it hurts, even when it stinks, even when you don't like it, even when it's difficult), HE GIVES YOU THE POWER TO DO IT! (Deut. 30:11). What I've learned is....I am without excuse!
Isn't it interesting that we often want what others have? You wish you had a boyfriend or husband. I wish I had your job and your talents and intellect! Ha Ha! Be blessed and content with where you're at and you'll see God work.
Perhaps you can set yourself a 30-day challenge. Spend 30 minutes each day in God's Word for 30 days. This isn't just to read it but to spend time meditating and thinking about what you're reading. I once heard someone say that they really didn't know how to meditate. The response was....if you know how to "worry," you know how to meditate. Meditating is just rolling something around in your mind...over and over and over. I find that during my reading time, I read less of the Bible but get more out of it because I pick apart every verse. Consider that.
Whatever you focus on "gets you!" The more you focus on what you DON'T have and your ANGER and your PROBLEMS, the BIGGER all of this gets. So, try to focus on God and all He's done for you. Write out a list of all of your blessings and read it over and over and continue to add to it. When you have a lonely, angry thought, follow my I,C,R process! I = Identify as a lie, C = Cast out in the name of Jesus, and R = Replace with God's truth. This may sound silly but it works! This is where God talks about refocusing on Him and renewing your mind daily. Our minds are renewed everyday with JUNK unless we get into God's Word. May God continue to bless you in BIG ways!